Okay. Soooo, I was gonna tweet these up until gue sadar nulis panjang lebar (atau curhat :p) di twitter dengan beberapa tweets tuh rasanya 'ga enak diliat banget' 'apaan banget sih lo?' 'duh #deardiary' 'curhat mbak?' 'please, deh! get a life!' banget, jadinya gue rasa gue post di sini aja ya. :--)

All of 10962417355142 things around the whole world to think about, I accidentally drop it on one. Okay (I'll be typing many okays in this post, okay?), so I'm still not gonna post about my hubby or something funny about my self near the days, but I look forward to speak out my mind tentang ya intinya, temen lama. Do I wrong to mind myself calling si dia 'temen lama'? Oh, yes.

Pernah kan lo pasti punya (atau 'pernah' punya) temen yang sekarang lo rasa-rasain 'awkward banget sih'? Setiap orang pasti punya. I have one. I used to be so close with him, or her, or it, or them, :p tapi don't know what's changed. Ya, mungkin ada beberapa masalah, but can it be figured out why (the real reasons we lost the connection)--instead of why was it happening (who was the right one, the wrong one, in the problem)? I mean, we were so much alike, dan kenapa bisa kayak gini, gitu ya? Sebenernya, gak mirip-mirip banget sih, you know funny person with some moody characters? I can say it's his/hers/its/theirs. And me? I was me, I was myself at this current time, I don't feel I've changed, I never did.

So, just say we separated for schools and survived just fine (yes the connection had been gone lil by lil, yet we went through) okay, until the problems came, dan shock juga ya kalo tau temen deket lo segitu gak sukanya sama lo, cuma gara-gara hal yang menurut gue sepele. Okay, some of you will straightly say 'ya menurut lo sepele, menurut orang kan siapa yang tau.' things, I know :p but it's just like what it was. I mean, gue gak nyangka bisa sampe segitunya hal yang dibuat untuk nunjukin gak sukanya sama gue. I know we were not so closy closy closy before, but we once bestfriend-ed. How can seseorang ngehina-hina temen lamanya dan ngata-ngatain orang itu di depan temen-temen barunya? Dan ngasih alesan ke gue itu-semua-cuma-bercandaan-aja-you-know-me-right-?, I know he/she/it/them itu funny, chunky, crazy, and all those so-fun-person calls, but satu pikiran gue saat itu cuma can you make your mouth and lips sweeter so guys would like to taste it? Okay, sorry for the slangs, tapi kenyataannya gitu. Gak habis pikir aja, wtf gitu loh. After the discuss, I thought the problem was all cleared, we started saying hi, we bbm-ed, we talked, tapi emang gak deket, cuma ya better lah, hi-ed me pas gak sengaja ketemu sambil big friendly smiling which I missed so much, dan lain-lainnya. Until, gue gak tau ya, beda aja. Kerasa aja bedanya. Ada yang bikin gue ngerubah perspektif aja, yang shocking soda, gitu. And all of a sudden I knew he/she/it/them still talked craps 'bout me. It sucks tau ga? Rasanya kayak apa ya, gak tau deh apa rasanya. Gila aja. I knew I should be big hearted, biar semuanya kebawa gampang. Tapi saat itu gue mikir, sampe kapan ya?

Lama-lama ya gue bodo amat, jadinya. Gak sengaja ketemu, I thought buang muka ya buang muka aja, gak ada yang mau ngeliat muka lo juga. Hihihihi I could be so much ngeselin loh, ya. Dan gak tau kenapa, nyebut 'musuh' tuh masih gak enak aja di denger, so I decided to use 'my past friend', lebih enak kan didengernya? ;-) I truly don't know what he/she/it/them feel about me nowadays, but I heard just last night from a close friend of mine yang intinya I'm being talked, sama dia, lagi. Whoa, hati-hati itu mulut makin gak enak buat dicium :( hehehehe. And again, I truly don't know what it is he/she/it/they saying bout me, I once cared, but I guess it brought the person satisfication, so I stopped. So, tasya why you post this if you're careless about it? Udah gatel tangan dari dulu :p

Okay, buat semuanya, mungkin quotes nya agak nyebelin ya, but it's true. if you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. Dan buat yang mungkin ngerasa, gue gak peduli apa yang lo omongin ke orang-orang atau temen-temen lo tentang gue, I was your friend, I didn't want to screw it, but you did.  So, please..foto-fotonya udah cantik-cantik tuh, bagus editannya. Sayangnya, personality tuh gak bisa diedit, jadi please, foto udah cantik ya hatinya harus cantik juga. Okay? :--)

People get disappointment when they expect. Mau cuma 'a lil bit expecting' or 'expecting too much' menurut gue sama aja. And when they trust someone and that person destroys or breaks the faith, they get disappointments, also that fear of trust. Ya ga sih? Or am I just being over-demanding? Gak tau lah.

Sometimes, bingung ya mau nentuin jadi orang yang 'baik', orang yang 'biasa-biasa aja', apa orang yang 'kadang baik kadang jahat'. Being 'bad person'? Really not a thing even a minute I would think of.

Disappointment belakangan ini sering banget datengnya. Selalu ada aja di tiap-tiap masalah, disappointed karena inilah, itulah, yang kaya gini lah, yang kaya gitu lah. Kebanyakan disappointednya tau gak. Dan gatau ya, menurut gue orang-orang yang kebanyakan dapet disappointment itu malah kebanyakan mereka-mereka yang baik dan gak macem-macem, mungkin orang-orang kayak gitu kaliya yang short-minded (in a good way of meaning, of course) yang akhirnya gampang percaya sama orang yang sama sekali ga dipikir would got them disappointed.

And quotes to self: don't easily trust, even when you get a hundred reasons why you should be. don't expect, even when you have the least of it.

I need a new distraction. 


This is life and sometimes we get bored. Baru-baru ini jadi keseringan balik sering nge-shuffle lagu di iTunes. Kalo hari sekolah, biasanya dari pulang sekolah sampe malem jam 8an, abis itu? Having a nice-enough sleep till morning. Kalo hari libur? Dari pagi melek mata sampe gatau kapan. Kayak sekarang nih, lagi kepengen aja ngeblog dan tiba-tiba ke shuffle-nya lagu Miley - Bottom Of The Ocean. Hahahaha lagu jaman kapan ya.. But some old times are there to be missed, ya ga sih? 

It's been in the past for a while

I get a flash and I smile

Am I crazy

Still miss you, baby

It was real

It was right

But it burned too hot to survive

All that's left is,

All these ashes

Where does the love go

I don't know

When it's all set and done

How could I be losing you forever,

After all the time we spent together

I have to know why I had to lose you

Now you've just become like everything

I'll never find again

At the bottom of the ocean

In a dream, you appear

For a while, you were here

So I keep sleeping,

Just to keep you with me

I'll draw a map,

Connect the dots

With all the memories that I got

What I'm missing,

I'll keep reliving

Where does the love go,

I don't know

When it's all set and done

How could I be losing you forever,

After all the time we spent together

I have to know why I had to lose you

Now you've just become like everything

I'll never find again,

At the bottom of the ocean

This is it

Let go

Breathe

You don't have to love me for me

To baby ever understand

Just know I love the time we both had

And I don't ever want to see you sad

Be happy

And I don't wanna hold you

If you don't wanna tell me you love me babe

Just know I'm gonna have to walk away

I'll be big enough for both of us to say

Be happy

Dan sekarang kegiatan di rumah ya jadinya itu-itu aja. Tiduran, chatting, ipod in the hands, some tv shows, mikirin hal-hal yang ga penting sebenernya buat dipikirin. Jenuh gila loeee ya gini-gini mulu.. I need a new distraction. Fitness? Udah. Wallstreet? Udah. Dan tetep aja bantuan-bantuan kaya gitu gak ngebantu this life gets a bit fascinating. Paling temen-temen di sekolah, some photo sessions, daaan thats all. Pernah gak sih kaya gitu? Not all that time, tapi ada saat-saatnya semua kerasa flat. Well, please, I'm begging for a new distraction.

Well done, I reborn my page. And it will be just all the new personality from now on. :-)